Siddhartha’s Journey of Self-Discovery

Siddhartha’s Journey of Self-Discovery

Siddhartha presents many important lessons throughout his journey in self-discovery and his goal to achieve Nirvana.  An overarching lesson presented is about the nature and importance of the development of self.  Throughout Siddhartha’s travels he did not necessarily try to discover “self” in spite of being determined to lose it.  More specifically, he tried to rid himself of ego in order reach Nirvana.  Nirvana is “the highest state that someone can attain, a state of enlightenment, meaning a person's individual desires and suffering go away.”  In the story, the self has a dual nature: the conscious self and the subconscious self.  The conscious self, composed of the ego, is the persona that Siddhartha and everyone else is caught up in, which is constantly preoccupied with humanized needs such as eating and sleeping.  The subconscious self is difficult to surface because it resides deep within, so when one can be in the constant presence and awareness beyond this self, then they are in the state of Nirvana.

Siddhartha encounters many trials and tribulations during his journey of self-discovery, which began when he first left home to become a samana.  The attraction of becoming a samana was the lifestyle of asceticism, meaning that among others Siddhartha would train to abstain from all pleasures (eating, sleeping, sex, etc.) in order to find enlightenment.  This is the first big step that Siddhartha takes in his journey and it is vital because it leads him to discover his subconscious self and be present in it.  He learns that he cannot escape his self simply by creating emptiness inside. Siddhartha believes that the universe will fill his created emptiness and extinguish his conscious self.

As time goes on Siddhartha accepts that no matter how hard he tries to escape his self, he will always come back to it.  He knows that continuing his time with the samanas will not help him achieve Nirvana.  He realizes during his time with them that permanent enlightenment cannot be achieved by shutting out the rest of the world.  Siddhartha says “The drunkard does indeed find escape, he does indeed find short respite and rest, but he returns from the illusion and finds everything as it was before. He has not grown wiser, he has not gained knowledge, he has not climbed any higher.”  What is meant by this is that escaping the self temporarily does bring some enlightenment, but reality and the self remains the same as before when one comes back to it.  Even though Siddhartha deemed his time with the samanas as wasteful, the experience enabled him to discover what doesn’t work to find permanent enlightenment and removal from the self.

Continuing on alongside Govinda, Siddhartha strives to find someone who will help him to find enlightenment.  Upon meeting and talking with Gautama, Siddhartha is able to understand that there is no method for enlightenment and he learns that no one can teach him because enlightenment is gained through experience.  Siddhartha advances significantly in his journey of self-discovery when he exclaims “nothing in the world has occupied my thoughts as much as the self, this riddle, that I live, that I am one and am separated and different from everybody else, that I am Siddhartha.”  It becomes necessary for him to allow his experiences to teach him and provide wisdom. By doing this Siddhartha becomes aware that he can only attain enlightenment and discover his self by staying present in the now and not focusing on the past or future.  This transition is crucial because in this moment of enlightenment he is fully aware of his subconscious self and without realizing it he is given a glimpse of the unity he’s looking for. Siddhartha’s development of self escalates because his journey begins to take a solidified path for him to discover who he is.

Looking beyond spirituality, Siddhartha experiences and notices the vast array of senses in the world.  Upon meeting Kamala, he delves into the sensory world and willingly lets all the senses that he had been suppressing absorb everything.  Siddhartha is aware of the developing push and pull between his evolving desire and personal reasoning.  This is evident as he refrains from succumbing to his desires in many instances with women where sex is offered, however, he allows his senses to influence him as soon as he and Kamala become lovers.  Soon, years begin to pass and although Siddhartha approaches the material world with the intent to learn what he can from it, he becomes completely immersed in it and he is no longer able to achieve enlightenment.  When he is middle-aged, Siddhartha has become everything he never wished to be: wealthy, renowned, successful, and living with love and lust. He has a dream that awakens his inner thoughts from when he was a young samana.  Based on this, he decides it is time to move on and start over again away from the material world.

Siddhartha’s second awakening occurs at the river and, unlike his first awakening when he left Gautama, it leaves Siddhartha distraught as he confronts the absence of his connection to his subconscious self.  Nonetheless, he allows himself to be “reborn” and continue on from the longstanding hiatus of his pursuit of self-discovery and enlightenment.

The last, most important lesson regarding self that Siddhartha learns comes from observing and listening to the river.  He sees the river and how it is in all places at once and yet how its essence remains the same.  The nature of Siddhartha’s journey of self-discovery is just like the river: his experiences are all different, yet his self remains the same. Siddhartha’s journey illustrates the nature and importance of self-discovery in the human experience that we all go through in life in all our pursuits.  Constantly being in the conscious self does not achieve enlightenment and it is important to have awareness of the subconscious self.